The Beginning. Stuck.
- Hunter Skye Lindner
- Aug 22, 2017
- 4 min read
Dear Reader,
My name is Hunter, I'm currently eighteen years old and guess what... I'm struggling. Been struggling since the day I was born. Nothing ever seems to go to plan. And you know what people call that? Life... Yeah, that's right. Apparently life is supposed to throw shit at us, but have you ever thought that life isn't meant to be under that particular description? We blame what we call and define as 'life' the reason to all our problems. We blame life when we have no real answer as to what is really going on or we're in a situation that'll forever be known as 'unexplained'. I believe that's just the way we see things, just so we don't have to recognise the real truth behind it. People in our world tend to lack in understanding as to everything that goes on around them. Yes we all have our own lives, we have a way of seeing things in our own individualistic ways. We have emotions and feelings that depend on our personal connection with item of importance in order to react in the way that we do. We're all in a cycle, a cycle that is focused on our very existence. We never really look at a person and think about the home they go home to every night. The reason that they're in this place at this particular time. We don't question what everyone else is doing. We create goals for ourselves every day until we don't wake up, but we're dead. Our existence is over and we no longer have to strive to keep ourselves living within every possible moment that we can. I wake up every morning and question my purpose. I question what I'm going to get out of the day that I'm about to pursue. What is the reason of living through the day and moving on this planet that'll keep on spinning the minute that my existence is known as a mere nothing. I'm nothing more than a corpse that has passed on. Death is normal, in the end death defeats us all whether we want it to or not. It's something no one will ever be able to escape. For me personally I feel I am just waiting for death to just take me and stop me from feeling the way that I currently do about everything that I am trying to pursue. I wish there was more to do, more hope to give myself. But it's just not there. Nothing feels right and I feel like I'm watching the world more than it is watching me. Ever felt that feeling of being out of place? That you're somewhere you clearly don't belong. That you shouldn't be doing something, but you do it anyway and it goes not noticed by a single person that surrounds you. That's how I felt when I shop lifted a yellow toy care from a store. There were no feelings of guilt. No feelings of stress of getting caught. I just did it and walked out not feeling a single thing. It's like I had just become emotionless and realised that we as a society have just placed labels and prices on everything. That it only has true value so we function as a society. That we don't feel like we're going crazy because life is merely the reason we find functionality within our daily lives. I need help. I need help with finding myself a purpose, so I can then find my will to live and continue with this 'thing' known as life. I need to make myself feel alive. Because right now, I'm just wasting the days by watching time pass me by. I need to feel like the memories that I make with every waking day are worth something in the end. That what I'm doing has a reasonable reason behind it. That I'm not alone and that I'm not the only one who sees the world in this way. Like I've almost broken myself from the matrix we're all living. That I'm starting to see through the cracks that many of us aren't able to as you're oblivious. There needs to be a reason why each individual exist on this planet. Otherwise why do we bother with waking up every morning? Why do we bother with looking after ourselves if we're all going to die in the end? What's the point of making memories if they're only yours and no one else's? What's the point of being one who exists when everything seemingly feels like it is forever going to be turning to absolute crap? What gives us the inspiration to keep on going? Where do we all end up and why? What is the reason behind our evolution and recognition of ourselves as a human race? What's the point of life in the end? What do we as individuals achieve by ourselves? You may think I'm crazy, or you may think I'm talking a little bit of sense. Either way, I'm starting to lose hope in myself. I'm probably never going to be truly happy. I just have to let the pain keep on getting worse and worse until I can no longer stand it. In the end, we're all pretty human and we've got a lot to say. I just need to find a purpose.
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